It’s been a while…

… 417 days to be exact. I, the wannabe writer, struggled to write. I wouldn’t even call it hospitalwriter’s block, I would describe it as writer’s paralysis. It’s not that I didn’t know what to write, I simply didn’t dare to write. A history of fertility issues and miscarriage left me in quite a superstitious state of mind.

Though, it made me feel like a blogging impostor – after all, isn’t blogging all about sharing the good and the bad – I wanted … no, needed good vibes only. Positivity all the way.  I know how easy it is to give complaining people flack about “complaining” about pregnancy. Feelings like “at least you are pregnant” or “stop complaining, what I wouldn’t give to”. In fact, I have been more than guilty of this myself. This is a journal entry I made several years ago:
Continue reading “It’s been a while…”

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What on earth is a chorionic bump?

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Source: morguefile.com by Arien

They say knowledge is power, but I learned over the last few days that knowledge is also fear when you realize you do not have any power to change your situation.  Continue reading “What on earth is a chorionic bump?”

Doctor Google is not my friend

New ImageopSometimes I wonder what women did before the internet.  Were they calling their GP every three seconds? Or were they calmer, more in touch with nature? We have the advantage of checking every little symptom or every little test result on the internet. I like to call it, Dr. Google.

I used to have a close relationship with Dr. Google. Oh, how things have changed.  Dr. Google and I are no longer on speaking terms. It gives me the most outrageous diagnoses and often leaves me more worried than I ever was before. I was pretty good at ignoring Dr. Google until I received my Beta hCG test results.  Continue reading “Doctor Google is not my friend”

A little Miracle has happened

positive pregnancy test

I’ve been trying to write this post for several days but I can’t seem to find the right words. I am not able to describe the excitement and intense fear that I feel. I still can’t grasp what happened this past Monday. I was only 9 dpo and simply couldn’t control the urge to test. I’m sure we’ve all been there?!

Though I usually try to resist (and often fail) until at least 11 dpo, the urge to test won. The lack of expectation, however, ensured that I didn’t even stick around to see the result until much later in the day. I think my heart missed several beats at the mere thought of seeing a faint line. I’m used to the test being so negative, you can’t even try to make a line appear by squinting. I took this test to every window in the house to check if I wasn’t crazy. Was there a line?? Continue reading “A little Miracle has happened”

2015, forget resolutions, it’s the year of the bucket list

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Source: morguefile.com by GaborfromHungary

Raise your hand if you are a pro at breaking New Year’s resolutions. Even better, raise your hand if you are an expert at -slowly but surely- forgetting what these resolutions even were. I am guilty as charged. It seems like I have ended up with the same resolutions over the last five years. How can any year be the year of change if each year already starts off exactly the same? Some of my vague resolutions were:  get fit, be happy, read more books, spend more quality time with my hubster … Sounds familiar?

This year I say forget resolutions, resolutions are so 2014! Instead,  Continue reading “2015, forget resolutions, it’s the year of the bucket list”

A hypochondriac’s two-week wait

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Screenshot of my calendar at Fertility Friend

I have been super busy over the last 2 months. I was studying for a test to become certified in the UK, so I can hopefully find a good job over here. I’m super excited that I passed and have more time again for blogging and enjoying life. However, this also means, I have way more time to obsess.

This month marks the second cycle of trying to conceive again after my miscarriage. I’ve never been more fixated on properly charting. My chart isn’t as great as it should be. My thermal shift can hardly be called a shift and it worries me that I simply don’t produce enough progesterone.  Still, that doesn’t stop this hopeful hypochondriac from turning slightly nuts during her two-week wait. Continue reading “A hypochondriac’s two-week wait”

My 5 early miscarriage symptoms

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Source: MorgueFile – Artist: Imelenchon

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. – A.A. Milne

As any newly pregnant lady, I was extremely excited and anxious when I got that highly anticipated positive test. It was my first pregnancy, so  I had an uncontrollable urge to ensure everything was fine. After all, we all know the statistics, 1 out of 5 women will suffer an early miscarriage. I never imagined I would be one of them. Continue reading “My 5 early miscarriage symptoms”