A little Miracle has happened

positive pregnancy test

I’ve been trying to write this post for several days but I can’t seem to find the right words. I am not able to describe the excitement and intense fear that I feel. I still can’t grasp what happened this past Monday. I was only 9 dpo and simply couldn’t control the urge to test. I’m sure we’ve all been there?!

Though I usually try to resist (and often fail) until at least 11 dpo, the urge to test won. The lack of expectation, however, ensured that I didn’t even stick around to see the result until much later in the day. I think my heart missed several beats at the mere thought of seeing a faint line. I’m used to the test being so negative, you can’t even try to make a line appear by squinting. I took this test to every window in the house to check if I wasn’t crazy. Was there a line??

There it was, it was faint, very faint, extremely faint, but it was there. Two days later I followed up with a digital Clearblue test and there truly is something extra special about being able to read “Pregnant”.

My heart jumped up and down from excitement, but my mind immediately went back in time. This felt too familiar, I don’t feel pregnant, there is no nausea, I have no super sore breasts, there are no food aversions, no heightened sense of smell, no fatigue, no nothing. Perhaps that’s normal for 3 weeks and 6 days? I don’t know, I can only compare it to my previous pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks and 1 day, and it’s too eerily similar. Each little cramp puts me on high alert, each toilet visit is followed by a thorough screening of the toilet paper… In short, I’ve turned into a happy but very scared and crazy lady. The UK health care system isn’t doing anything to ease my mind either, to my disdain I’ve learned that they don’t do any Beta hCG testing, no scan, no nothing until 8-10 weeks.

All I have is hope and my daily one step pregnancy test, which I’m holding on to like a bee on sweet jam, monitoring the color of the line and praying each morning that it will get darker. Please let this be my little miracle.

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28 thoughts on “A little Miracle has happened

  1. I can empathize. Just go with it, try not to let your anxiety take over and stay positive (easier said than done!). With my Little Man the boob thing didn’t hit until around 5-6 weeks and I only had a few weeks of nausea with no vomiting so you’re still early. I have a favourite quote I’ve repeated on heaps of blogs and it sums up pregnancy after loss so well – “you can be brave and scared at the same time”.

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  2. Congratulations! I am so happy for you. That is a such a sweet and beautiful surprise. I didn’t get the boob soreness until the second trimester with either of my babies and the morning sickness didn’t hit until at least 6 weeks. 🙂 So don’t worry about the symptoms. I feel for you having to wait until 8-10 weeks. I hope you find something to help the time pass quickly. 🙂

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  3. Congratulations!!!! I know exactly how you feel coming from miscarriage to pregnancy. It is going to be a rough road: every cramp, symptom and bathroom break open for intense scrutiny. I can say with certainty that 11 weeks is no less scary than week 4 was. My advice having been on both sides is to relish in the fact that despite what may or maynot happen in the future, right now you are pregnant. As hard as it is and as muvh as everyone hates the phrase – try not to stress too much as undue stress can cause problems

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    1. Thanks! You hit the nail on the head, everything is currently up for intense scrunity and some moments are better than others. I try not to worry too much, but as you say, it’s tough road to walk! 🙂

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    1. I’m truthfully so shocked by this, I’m not originally from the UK and where I’m from you immediately see your OB/GYN and start the process of bloodtests, quick scan etc. This really makes me wonder how they catch ectopics etc. in time?

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    1. I hope it is! I’m truly driving myself a bit nuts at times. Some pains feel too familiar and absolutely terrify me. I am going to pay for 2 private bloodtests to see what my hCG levels are and well basically beg my GP on Thusday if they really can’t refer me for an early scan.

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      1. I’m glad your advocating for yourself because the wait and worry is the worst and no need to give yourself undue stress. I can totally relate and remember the toilet checks and scrutinizing every cramping sensation. People can tell you to stop but realistically you can’t….you’re already doing what a mother does best….worrying for their child and protecting them. Please keep us posted. Miracles do happen. Thinking of you

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