… 417 days to be exact. I, the wannabe writer, struggled to write. I wouldn’t even call it writer’s block, I would describe it as writer’s paralysis. It’s not that I didn’t know what to write, I simply didn’t dare to write. A history of fertility issues and miscarriage left me in quite a superstitious state of mind.
Though, it made me feel like a blogging impostor – after all, isn’t blogging all about sharing the good and the bad – I wanted … no, needed good vibes only. Positivity all the way. I know how easy it is to give complaining people flack about “complaining” about pregnancy. Feelings like “at least you are pregnant” or “stop complaining, what I wouldn’t give to”. In fact, I have been more than guilty of this myself. This is a journal entry I made several years ago: Continue reading “It’s been a while…”→
Sometimes I wonder what women did before the internet. Were they calling their GP every three seconds? Or were they calmer, more in touch with nature? We have the advantage of checking every little symptom or every little test result on the internet. I like to call it, Dr. Google.
I used to have a close relationship with Dr. Google. Oh, how things have changed. Dr. Google and I are no longer on speaking terms. It gives me the most outrageous diagnoses and often leaves me more worried than I ever was before. I was pretty good at ignoring Dr. Google until I received my Beta hCG test results. Continue reading “Doctor Google is not my friend”→
I’ve been trying to write this post for several days but I can’t seem to find the right words. I am not able to describe the excitement and intense fear that I feel. I still can’t grasp what happened this past Monday. I was only 9 dpo and simply couldn’t control the urge to test. I’m sure we’ve all been there?!
Though I usually try to resist (and often fail) until at least 11 dpo, the urge to test won. The lack of expectation, however, ensured that I didn’t even stick around to see the result until much later in the day. I think my heart missed several beats at the mere thought of seeing a faint line. I’m used to the test being so negative, you can’t even try to make a line appear by squinting. I took this test to every window in the house to check if I wasn’t crazy. Was there a line?? Continue reading “A little Miracle has happened”→
Raise your hand if you are a pro at breaking New Year’s resolutions. Even better, raise your hand if you are an expert at -slowly but surely- forgetting what these resolutions even were. I am guilty as charged. It seems like I have ended up with the same resolutions over the last five years. How can any year be the year of change if each year already starts off exactly the same? Some of my vague resolutions were: get fit, be happy, read more books, spend more quality time with my hubster … Sounds familiar?
“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!” – Dr. Suess
It’s that time of year, so of course I had to pick a Christmas quote. It’s a time of organizational chaos. This year wasn’t any different for me. Nature really has a funny way of messing with your schedule. Continue reading “Quote of the Month”→
I’m not new to this. I know what it feels like to get a negative pregnancy test, or the BFN as most ladies start calling it after a while. Still, it gets to me. Each month I’m hopeful, convinced even, that this will be the month the elusive BFP will appear. There are two whole weeks building up to this one moment, where at the crack of dawn I find myself in the bathroom praying for that extra line, regardless of whether it’s a + or a ||.
That one missing line used to make me feel like my world came crashing down on me. It would take days, if not weeks to recover. Creating a little miracle can be a draining affair, draining on your relationship, draining on your emotional health, draining on your life. As months passed, I was becoming more and more unhappy and ready to give up. There was only one solution; to find ways to stay positive, and get through the emotional uproar within myself.